to see the Chairman of the Bored
to see the Co-Chairman of the Bored
Our Society was born at Kitty Hawk on one of those dark and windy nights
when nothing flew; even the seagulls bounced from place to place like
hoppy toads. Our founders, who had been invited to attend a ceremony
on December 17, honoring a pair of bicycle mechanics from Dayton Ohio,
began drinking and thinking on the evening of December 16. They
drank and they thought until the myth of the Wright Brothers' flight in
1903 became as hard to swallow as the bootleg rye they imbibed.
Thus was born the society's motto: "Birds Fly, Men
Drink". And thus its purpose: Exposure of the widely held
myth of machines moving through the air with men "flying"
them. This myth, it was clear, had its origins in folklore, long
before the Wright Brothers.
First came the nonsense of Cupid flying through the air. Then there
was the fairy tale of Pegasus, a winged horse. Next came the fabled
Arabian carpet. And the bit of flummery about a flying stork that
dropped babies down chimneys. Small wonder that humankind, nourished
on such nonsense, would believe that bicycle mechanics could move through
the air like winged fowl.
Accepting the challenge these myths have perpetuated, The Man Will Never
Fly Memorial Society has fought the hallucination of airplane flight with
every weapon at its command save sobriety. We remain dedicated to
the principle that two Wrights made a wrong at Kitty Hawk.
Members of the Man Will Never Fly Society are not opposed to flight.
Birds do it, Bees do it, even educated fleas do it, as Cole Porter once
said. But when you stop to think about it, do you actually believe
that a machine made of tons of metal will fly? Small wonder that the
editor of a Dayton newspaper said, when informed of the mythical first
flight in 1903. "Man will never fly. And if he does, he
will never come from Dayton."
members believe that balloons fly, but we do not believe in flying
machines. Indeed, members of the Society have proposed a variety of
apparati for movement through the ozone. One of our members is even
cultivating an enormous jumping bean which, when saddled and heated by a
laser, will propel a human for great distances.
But let us hear no
more of plane moving through the air, unless they are hurled by
carpenters. Airports and airplanes are for the gullible.
Little do "plane" passengers realize that they are merely
boarding Greyhound buses with wings, and that while aboard these winged
buses, given the illusion of flight when cloud like scenery is moved past
their windows by stagehands in a very expensive theatrical
We ask you to gather under our banner and combat the myth that man can,
did, or will ever fly, except in his or her imagination.